by Rashee

What is harder than sticking to a New Year’s resolution? Coming up with some in the first place. For an overcommitted overachiever like Mey, goals are not new.

I generally always have a running list of things I would like to accomplish in my life–ranging in scope of time (“now” to “one day”) and ambition (“take your vitamin daily” to “Ironman”).

Part of the reason why having a single resolution is so hard is because there is a lot of pressure in trying to identify only one thing to devote to for an entire year. How can I possibly identify only one thing when there are so many things about myself that I want to fix (i.e. post-birth weight, lack of relationship with God, etc.) or so many things I want to accomplish in this life? What excuse will I have if I fail? (It’s so much easier to have lots of goals because if you fail, well, it’s because you had lots of goals.) In fact, I don’t think I have ever had a single resolution. My resolutions (plural) have always been couched as options, which is clearly not very resolute… But 2016 is going to be different.

Puja also said that this was a hard list to come up with.

I wanted to choose things that would
– Develop some skill I wish I had, but not like the time I tried to play the piano. That was just me daydreaming about how I would kill at parties.
– Make me more mindful. Time to consider my own feelings.
– Shape my overall lifestyle. You know like eating more vegetables could lead to overall healthier living?

I also had a hard time, but I had a little bit of a head start. I started thinking about what I really want my life to be like back in July. They are vague and general, but they give me something to work on every day to improve my happiness even just a little.

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Back to Mey:

Maybe it’s because I’m turning 35. Maybe it’s because I’m a new mom. Or maybe it’s because I finally found a single resolution worth committing to… that even if I fail, some progress is better than nothing.

This year, I want to start my journey to financial security.

Not a sexy goal, I know, but it is about time that I quit making excuses and start taking my personal finances seriously. It’s embarrassing that I’m a grown ass woman who keeps living large on a charge (credit card). My lack of financial security is a huge stress in my life. My cycle of work-a-lot/unhappiness/stress-eating or stress-shopping/work-a-lot is not working, and I refuse to let this stress suck the joy out of my life, especially now that I have the responsibility of the Little One.

Of course, financial security is probably too nebulous to be a very good resolution so I’m going to narrow it down. This year, I am going to focus on getting out of credit card debt.

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On to Puja:

So after a few intense days of thinking, here they are – the things that will make me pleasant to be around:

Lose 20 lbs.
2015 was the second year I worked out consistently, but still ended in slight disappointment. If I had pushed a little harder I could have lost the last 20 lbs to have shed 100 lbs since my fitness journey began in 2013. So in 2016, I will lose that last 20 and celebrate an incredible milestone that 2013 me dreamt of her entire adult life. Probably with cake and pizza. Ugh losing weight as a resolution is cliché.

Read An Entire Book of Poetry
Poetry is a genre I never really got into after Shel Silverstein. This goal is borne out of a prior year’s resolution to enjoy more art. See? Layers.

Take less Selfies
I am ashamed to admit I probably took 1,000 selfies in 2015. Contrary to what my inner 16 year old thinks, there is a whole wide world out there. This habit initially started as me tracking wrinkle development on my face. As I kept losing weight, it became look how big and doe-like my eyes are now, to ‘oh my god! Is that an actual chin?’ to checking out my new hair color and lipsticks in different light. Now, it is just plain vanity. I’m not saying no selfies, that would be ludicrous.

Learn to Bake Bread (sans bread-making machine)
I do not know how to bake well. The patience required for the exactness and time required for baking is not in me. Also I prefer doing food related things manually. Two birds, one murderous stone.

Be More Mindful Towards Myself
Even my psychic has told me that I am worst enemy. I have started having anxiety that I am becoming that stereotypical friend who just becomes so jaded and cynical, people start avoiding her. Basically, I am a mess and incredibly mean to myself. I think it is time I start fixing that, I’m tired of chasing happiness.

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And finally, my resolutions:

To be happy with myself – emotionally healthy, strong and independent
I will start with the admission that I have never really been happy with myself. Not in the healthy “you can always learn and grow” way, but in the self-loathing way. I have suffered from clinical depression on and off for more than 10 years. Learning to connect with myself and to love myself are paramount because as a parent, I don’t want my little one to see the most influential woman in his life hate herself. It is simply not healthy. I want to challenge myself to be the kind of person I want him to be when he grows up – emotionally healthy, strong and independent. And when the bad times come, I want to be equipped to handle them on my own and with the support of family and friends, not antidepressants or other vices. Meditation has helped me with this so far, and I hope to continue in 2016.

To feel beautiful
Of course I want to be physically healthy, strong and slim – trust me, I do. More importantly, I want to simply FEEL beautiful. To me, the difference is in self-acceptance (see resolution above). I have been skinny and sad. I have been chubby and happy. I want to find the place where I can like the way that I look and like the way that I feel. I want to eat more mindfully – no meals standing over the trash can or sink if I can help it. I want to continue my weightlifting and cardio to get my body back into the shape I was in the months before I had my son. Again, I want to challenge myself to be the kind of person I want my little one to be when he grows up – someone who loves his body and mindfully takes care of it the way you do with all of your other prized possessions.

For my family & friends to be happy, healthy, wealthy and fortunate
I want to be a better daughter, sister, wife, mother and friend this year while maintaining my newly acquired inward-focus. I think in working on myself, I lost some of the outward-focus on people I care about deeply. These people are few, but they are the most important to me. They are the ones who keep me going. Knowing that they have happiness, health, wealth and good fortunate is an important part of my happiness and anything I can do to help this pursuit will be a greater focus this year.

To feel creatively fulfilled, successful and recognized
Starting this blog was the best way I can think of to get my creative pursuits back on track. Of course I want to continue stand-up, improv, write a screenplay, etc, but I need to take a first step. I feel like I have this same writing resolution every single year. I am excited to see what my friends produce and how I can help them succeed in their creative pursuits too. Like Weight Watchers for writing, we are banding together to make everyone accountable. Hope someone out there enjoys this as much as we do. If not, that’s cool too.