Poker Face*

By: Sneha

I usually verbalize what I’m thinking, feeling, planning…and if I don’t say it then my face says it for me.  Even though I’m working on it, it’s not going too well.  What can I say, it’s hereditary.  I truly think it’s a carefully crafted talent which I obviously lack.

In the courtroom, I had to keep my cool, my emotions hidden when my face turned beet red and keep my eye rolling to a minimum.  It was great practice…for a while.  Then the ignorance of the world, wide-spread stupidity and lack of common sense tested my patience and ultimately set my blood fire.  There was no going back.  If it wasn’t profanity spewing out of my mouth then it was my body language, deathly stare, or other various means to feel the heat and it wasn’t pretty.

Do I pride myself in it?  Yes.  Has it gotten me in trouble?  Way too many times.

pic

I hate sugar coating, well except the rim of my martini glass before you pour me a lemon drop…I digress.  I expect those around me to be real and honest with me (and sensitive for approx. 4 days out of the month.)  So, I too treat others with the same respect.  It’s not always what you want to hear, but hey, at least it’s the truth.  No one really wants to be surrounded by fake friends feeding them false hope and bullshit advice.  Now I know what you may be thinking: there’s a lot that is wrong with this “characteristic” or “flaw” or whatever you want to call it, but all in all I’m proud of it.  If anything, it has taught me to handle every sort of emotion on the fly.  Explaining it is a challenge especially when my facial muscles rarely coordinate with my brain.

I said to smile not smirk!
I said to nod not look confused!
I meant to sympathize not raise an eyebrow!
Ugh.

But so far, I’ve learned what works for me, other than an immediate and constant need for Botox, is to:

just wing it

I really want this on a t-shirt!  Here’s to controlling my emotions verbally and without knee-jerk expressions.  (don’t hold your breath)

*cue Lady Gaga

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