Choices

By Laura

Sometimes I hate being a feminist. Now in an age of wildly varying definitions let me tell you my definition of feminist: giving women a choice. A choice to work or stay home; a choice to have children or not; a choice (or chance) to fail at their own dreams or madly outpace them. I don’t want to belong to a man. I only want to be able to start at the same point and not disqualified based on a body part I had no choice in having (Side note: I’m not asking for penis, based on every man everywhere they itch – constantly.)

Why the hate you ask? I’m tired of making decisions. I’m tired of doubting them. And the ability to make a choice doesn’t assuage the feelings that come with them. Maybe if I had that aforementioned penis I don’t want the guilt from the choices I made wouldn’t exist.

I have made the choice to have children and to work. Today is my first day back in an office after three (3) months of leave. I am not enjoying it. I have cried more in the last twelve (12) weeks than I knew was possible. These are my babies and I’ve made the choice to work. I’ve made the choice to tap further into that village that helps you raise them. I know this is the best choice for me and therefore will benefit them by extension. But the choice sucks to live through.

What I want is for someone to make the choice for me. Tell me what is right or wrong for me. I’m tired of choosing everything. It’s exhausting. I’m tired. I’m sad. I’m full of worry and doubt. Tell me I’m not ruining their lives. Tell me it’s okay to work. Tell me the sacrifices I’m making are worth it.

Tomorrow is another day. I will make the choice to get up and go back to work (maybe). I will make the choice to send my babies to school. I will make the choice in what to wear, if I want to own property, if I want to have more babies, if I want to vote, if if if. I will make my own choices. I believe that everyone should have a chance for choice. But with that right comes responsibility. Sometimes I want someone to take the yoke from me, but only when it’s my choice. Sometimes I hate being a feminist, but don’t you dare try and take that choice away from me.

#feminsim #mychoice #ihatemychoicessometimes #havingthechoicedoesntmakeitanyeasier

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