Around this time last year, I made a really good decision for my life and a really bad decision. On the same day, because YOLO. The good decision left me with months of pain and angst to work through. It may have been the true catalyst for this journey towards happiness. The bad decision left me unsatisfied and disgusted with myself, also probably I now have a Vienna sausage phobia. I won’t go into details about either because family members read this blog and these aren’t topics for this year’s Thanksgiving dinner. Suffice it to say, it takes a lot to make big life changing decisions and not a lot to make an instantly regrettable mistake. Why is doing the thing that is good for you the harder of the two decisions to make?
I have two settings “wait and see” or “0 impulse control” there is no in between. On the Wait and See Setting I don’t know if I am waiting for the silent universe to send me a sign, for someone to give me the answer, or weighing all the options to come to a decision. Sometimes it is a mixture of all three, but more often than not, I just wait until I run out of time and let ‘nature take its course’ so the decision is made for me. And then justify it as fate. No dear, it is laziness. Argh. With the 0 Impulse Control setting, it is usually greed (or lust) that makes the decision for me. I bet there would be 0 brain activity detected in the midst of making bad decisions. I am getting tired of discovering all the aspects of my life I don’t adult well in.
This post is a shout out to all of you who have taken the courage to start evaluating the situation you are in, [re]discovering your worth, and claiming your happiness. I know the journey could not have been easy. Living your truth never is, at first. But now you stand among the brave men and women who chose truth, happiness, and some level of freedom from a bad situation/feeling/place. That is a great club to belong to. To those of you who are still in the Wait and See setting, this is your life. If you saw your best friend struggling under the weights on your back, how would you advise him/her? I have said this two separate people this week (and 700 times to myself) you have to love yourself to start fighting for your own happiness. But please don’t teeter into the zone of deluded reality TV star loving yourself.
That is all I wanted to say this week; just acknowledge the journey that began a year ago and take an assessment of where I am (mentally better, physically stronger, fashionably on point) from where I was (distressed, weak minded, still fashionably on point though) and let other people know that they can do it to. Because when someone who loathes herself more than she loves herself says you can do it because she was able to do it, I don’t know what other encouragement you need.
So here is to you friends embarking on a journey that may change your life in unexpected ways, Good Luck. And to those of you on the fence, go for it. The world is large and time is short, why spend it miserable? If you need to talk, I am here. Also I can bring dip.
Things Keeping Me Sane This Week: It doesn’t make me sane per se, but it does leave me in awe, the twelve-page victim impact statement read to the Stanford rapist is heart-wrenching, and eye-opening. I wanted to write a really long rant about the Stanford Rapist and his disgusting sentence and the gross comments his father made, but much like Drumpf, they don’t need extra press time. She says everything. And I will leave you with this, Rape Culture needs to pivot against the direction of re-victimizing the victims. It is actually one of the things that keeps me insane, let’s work on it people.
PS – Inspired by Laura’s post yesterday, and because today is Prince’s birthday, let us take a powder and listen to one of my personal favorites: Diamonds and Pearls. The videos is so quintessentially 90s that you can’t help but love it. OK, OK, here is Lets Go Crazy/Kiss too. Rest In Peace your Purpleness.