by Sneha

Confession: I’ve never “starved” myself BUT I will be the first to admit that I live, preach and act on extreme notions. Everything around me is exaggerated pain, happiness, or excitement. I don’t know why I do this and honestly don’t know how to stop, but makes me wonder. Is that why I’m always tired? Is that why I have the energy of an 80 year old and ready for bed at 8? Is that why I put in 200% and then go into hiding when I crash and fail?

Acceptance: Anger, opinions and/or judgment at the drop of a dime. Expectations, joy, tears and/or excessive forms of emotion without the full story; Yes, I am guilty of all of the above. I blindly jump into everything and I am finally “accepting” the fact that this is unhealthy. I attribute this realization to maturity and maybe a little bit of wisdom. Before you laugh; I’m not all the way there, but it has managed to creep itself into my life. We are definitely not the same person we were 5 or even 10 years ago. And why would we want to be? Why do most of us still wish we were young? We forget where we came from and all that we’ve achieved. I still lie about my age (I’m working on that) but when you look back at your life, you have to be proud. You made those decisions and worked hard to bring yourself where you are today. If you don’t like it, then it’s in your hands and your hands alone to make that change. So here comes the next step.

Balance: A very difficult concept for me. However, over the last few years, I’ve learned that it’s crucial to survival and more importantly, mental stability. My insanity has improved OH SO VERY much when I started to make healthy life style changes. Whether it is meditating, forgiving, praying, eating healthy or even working out, it seems that we take for granted what use to work for us. Unfortunately, I can’t take advantage of late nights of partying or 2 am tacos and be alert and ready to go the next morning. No, that ship has definitely sailed. But accepting this is the first step….the second is a bit harder. Balancing what I want versus what I need is a concept that is new to me. I know it’s necessary, but a part of me doesn’t want to let the old “Sneha” go….maybe it’s the fear that I’m no longer the woman society expected to be or worse, no longer the woman I dreamt I would be.

Simplicity: “Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda” The solution I’ve been looking for. It finally makes sense! I’ve complicated my life unnecessarily since I can remember. Whether it is pleasing someone, upholding tradition, avoiding disappointment, or just trying to be someone who society, family or my crazy psyche wants to me be. But I’ve finally been forced to rebel and express my true self. It’s ugly, raw and I couldn’t be prouder.

It is what it is: Nothing profound and actually quite simple.

I love this phrase. Why can’t we accept everything at face value? Why do we have to dig and dissect issues, people, and ideas until we have lost the original or true meaning? Is it bad or is it just a way to prepare or cope for the worst? So it comes down to simplification on every level of our lives. Pick a color and go with it. Go with your gut and if it’s wrong, so what, another day, another opportunity. Life is not an ultimatum but a journey where you need to take risks/chances and make mistakes. I look back and am proud of all of my struggles and failures because those milestones brought me here: to be the over-achieving, hard working, crazy anti-gray woman I am. I always saw gray as an excuse or compromise in making tough decisions, but now I’m warming up to the idea. Not thrilled but will consider it and that, in my eyes…the eyes of a very opinionated and passionate woman is a huge step forward.