by Sneha

Yes, yours truly has finally taken a stab at meditation. I cannot say it’s going well, but I’m trying. Really! It’s funny because I say I forgive but deep in my heart, still hate! LOL…wait did I just completely contradict what meditating was all about? Why can’t I do it? The competitiveness in me has taken over…here goes!

I know it’s a learned practice, but can I tell you how many distractions my mind is contaminated with!? The book says to just breathe and bring your mind back to breathing if it starts to wander. It doesn’t tell you how to stop so here’s my dilemma. I ask you seriously, how can so many people really concentrate on their breathing and not think about ANYthing else for 10 minutes much less for an hour!?!?

So I start. I concentrate on my breathing and then immediately start thinking about food or what I forgot to do today. STOP! Ok, back to breathing. Wow, that’s a fast heart rate, is it normal to able to hear my heart pounding, maybe I have high blood pressure, wait why am I talking so loud?! STOP! Deep breaths, breathe thru your nose, breathe out, now wait, how many counts in…shit BREATHE out! Ok concentrate, breathe in and out, should I be sitting up for this, should I go get breakfast tacos tomorrow, I think I’m hungry, is it too late for a light evening snack? Oh, I should seriously start using my slow cooker, I have way too many recipes piling up, OH CRAP I forgot to pack my lunch. Awww, it’s ok, I’ll wake up early to do it…HAHAHA like that ever happens.

Ok, start over? Forget it, I’m tired, I’ll just say my nightly prayer and try again tomorrow. Let me make sure my phone is charging. Oh wait, I have a message! Let me just check Facebook one more time, OH wait I never checked my email…should I reset my alarm because I know I’ll just snooze if I put it too early. Another night failed. Try again tomorrow. Stay tuned.