by Mey

Scene: Big Law office conference room. Lawyers making small talk over their morning coffee as we wait for the managing shareholder to start our weekly docket meeting. It’s my second week back from maternity leave.

Upon entering the room, I plaster on a smile, as I feel the makeup I used to cover up the dark circles under my eyes start to crack, and I struggle to make small talk. Let me add the word “adult” to qualify small talk. Cooing short syllables in a high pitched voice doesn’t count. As we near the end of the meeting, I am just about to take a sip of my Mother’s Milk tea when the managing shareholder asks, “So Mey, how does it feel to be back?” Everyone’s eyes are suddenly on me.

[Insert awkward pause]

“Let’s just say the struggle is real…”

I have no idea what facial expression I had or how long the pause was.

I have no idea why I said what I said.

A strategic, smart associate with dreams of making shareholder would have said something enthusiastically like, “It’s great! I’m glad to be back! If anyone has any projects, please let me know…I’d love to help.”

In hindsight, I could have said a million things much wittier, much more profound or even profane, but in that moment, only truth seeped out:

It’s only the second week back from maternity leave and I’m already struggling.

So there you have it – an introduction into my most common topic for our collective SistersInLaw blog – the struggle of a working (lawyer) mom. I know what you may be thinking….like the world needs yet another F*in working lawyer mom blog…..

And I get it….I can’t promise that my misadventures will be any different, any more enlightening or entertaining. But my explanation is simply this – the struggle is real.

And if my struggle is helpful to at least another working mommy out there, to make her feel less alone or less of a failure because she may have also forgotten her pumping equipment on her third day back to work… then yeah, I’m going to blog about “how I love to work and how I love to be a mommy, but how I hate being a working mommy.” {Thanks Kelly Liebbe for this line!}

Plus, it’s my blog, and I’ll cry if I want to.